We appreciate the value of knowing we can contact someone when things are difficult; knowing that that person will “be there” for us.
What does it really take to do this?
We might imagine it involves sharing the burden of the problem, and so shy away from the load. In fact, it doesn’t mean that at all. It’s not a question of rescuing them. Often, that’s not even possible, at least not from the literal situation.
Being there for someone means being contactable, sure, but above all, it means being a steadying presence with a consistent and honest and realistic response, reassuring them they are not alone as they go through whatever they have to go through, and that our energy is with them. The more grounded we are by the clarity of our own direction and purpose, and the deeper the place we come from, the better we will be able to do that.
It doesn’t cost so much. And the value is much greater than the cost, and not just to the other person.
What’s your experience of “being there” for someone, or of someone being there for you?
I have no-one there for me now. Not a soul. My lifelong friend Robert was always there for me. He did more for me as a friend than anyone else in my life. He stood firmly at my side and held my hand in all my times of trouble and heartbreak. He would say to me “all you have to do to get through this is take one step at a time”. Our motto was Friends First and Last. He’s gone now, he died at 60 years old after destroying his own life with alcohol. I need him now. I am at a terrible point in my life thanks to Government cuts. I cant tell you how badly I need him. Wherever he is, that’s where I want to be.
Angie, thank you. What happens if you notice the ways in which Robert’s presence is with you now? The other thing I would say is who are YOU there for now? Maybe you could put out to get back. I know that’s easily said, but still. Take care.
I find that when I truly am “there” for someone else, it always enriches me in surprising and unexpected ways as well as helping the other person. I never go into something like that with any expectation of receiving a benefit in return. The benefit, to me, is seeing the person I care about move past his or her current challenge or hardship and grow from it. That said, I can say that I do indeed receive peace, a sense of self, a feeling of taking action that really matters. These “gifts” from the universe come to empower me in my own journey forward and help steer my vessel through stormy waters of my own.
Hi Samantha. Thanks for your comment. I like the way you highlight what happens when you go first, or “pay it forward”.
Hi,
There’s an interesting idea for a charity around this concept here:
http://www.madeinengland.co.nz/new-charity-idea-in-a-bad-place
It’s an interesting consideration that it’s the small things that amount to big things and how NOT being there for people can have a snowballing effect on society.
Thanks Pete. Interesting that the blogger you highlight in effect says he doesn’t have time to be there for anyone else yet, or at least not to embark on the project he outlines. Being there for people of course needs to be when when you feel you don’t have time as well as when you do. Funny how these things work.