I knew it was a slip as soon as I said it…
I’m sat having coffee and a catch-up with a friend. Getting a little too carried away talking about an issue with a third party, I express some annoyance. My friend on the other side of the table listens sympathetically, but I notice him flinch a little when there’s a little hardness in my words—not directed at him, at least not literally, but as part of what I’m saying about the other—in fact, as if to the other.
You see…
His unconscious mind can’t tell the difference between something said about someone else and something said about him. It responds in the same way. It’s only his conscious mind that says, “It’s OK. It’s about someone else.” (At least, I hope it does.)
Here’s what I learned…
If you need to recount a story in which you say something that’s hard to hear, make sure you break eye contact with your listener at that moment so that the remark is directed away from them. If you have to recount harsh words, say them to empty space.
In fact, it’s not a great idea anyway, for the same underlying reason…
Our own unconscious mind can’t tell the difference either. With anything we say to or about other people, our unconscious mind responds as if we said it to or about ourselves. It doesn’t know the difference. Our emotional state is affected as if the words had actually been said to or about us.
Scientific evidence for this? Something to do with mirror neurons perhaps. I’d say, just see if it fits your experience.
What we do to other people, we do to ourselves. Take care what that is.