During a workshop recently, I asked for observations on the learning exercise we’d just done. Two people spoke up almost in unison, except that what they said was very different…
“It’s amazing how different people are,” said one.
“It’s amazing how much we’re all the same,” said the other, in almost the same moment.
What a perfect illustration…
We are both more different from other people than we realise, and, at the same time, more the same than we realise. It depends where you look.
If you want to find sameness, perhaps because you want to build a relationship, go toward the bigger themes like family, making a difference, and belonging to groups. Go instead toward the details and chances are you’ll find more difference.
Here’s one practical takeaway…
If you’ve got a job to do, find the areas of sameness and use them to build the rapport you need to sustain the relationship through the areas of difference.
And…
What my participants had to say might well reflect their personal preference for noticing difference or noticing sameness—a personality trait with far-reaching implications: Being a “mismatcher” (noticing difference) is a vital role, but sometimes doesn’t make friends; building sameness makes friends (and sales), but misses more errors. Or it might reflect their preference for big picture or details.
What’s your experience? How much are we the same and how much are we different?
What might your answer suggest about where you prefer to look—big picture or details, sameness or difference?